(CNN)“Red Table Talk” returned Wednesday with “iCarly” star Jennette McCurdy joining the conversation.
McCurdy came on to talk with co-hosts Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith and Adrienne Banfield Norris about McCurdy’s new book, “I’m Glad My Mom Died.”
The actress writes about being a child star, having an eating disorder and her unhealthy relationship with her mother Debbie, who died of cancer in 2013.
The now 30-year-old former Nickelodeon star read an email from her mother that was sent in 2012, after the her mom discovered she was in a romantic relationship.
It began, “I am so disappointed in you.”
“‘You used to be my perfect little angel, but now you are nothing more than a little’ — all caps — ‘slut, a floozy, all used up,'” McCurdy read. “‘And to think you wasted it on that hideous ogre of a man. I saw the pictures on a website called TMZ. I saw you rubbing his disgusting hairy stomach. I knew you were lying about Colton.’ [I had told her I was with a friend, Colton]. Add that to a list of things you are: liar, conniving, evil. You look pudgier too. It’s clear you are eating your guilt.”
Her mother went on to write that McCurdy was an “ugly monster” and ended the email by asking her to send money for a new refrigerator.
Undergoing therapy helped her realize her mother was abusive, McCurdy said, and she stopped living in “the necessary delusion of my childhood.”
“Just because I was abused doesn’t mean I don’t love her,” McCurdy said. “That has been so difficult to grapple with.”